Life as a full circle

Life is a full circle, whatever goes up is bound to bounce back. Traditionally, off springs are tagged as prosperity in life. But, when the prosperity falls in the lap unexpectedly, it bound to startled one.But clouded in mysticism of  newly honored status of motherhood  and charmed with innocent divinity, we tend to forget the world in the bliss.

Though walking the path of motherhood the acquired prosperity soon forces us to be the mean to run the daily business of life as the simple means sometimes prove maimed.

However sometimes i found myself, at the nervy edge even with so called enjoyment. When the child was small, the crabbiness was unavoidable.Tired to the center, coping with all that I would often hear comments from elderly side –“Your generation loses composure so easily, see I had four children but I would hardly lose my composure.”

Although the powerful claim of my mother met the dust in the next few days, when she had been left with little one.That to with the unfortunate task to feed her the breakfast in a chilly winter month. After my return I found my mother almost in tears, shaking in guilt with her food bowl. Like a child with accumulated guilt of non performance she admitted that feeding a child like her was the most difficult task on the earth. Till then chortling in joy the bundle of energy supported  mother's failure with grin.the Full of energy the  bundle of joy taken her benevolence on complete ride. In more than half an hour she did everything except allowing the food in her mouth, laughing to charm her, hurting her gum in the process and then demanding the proximity of lap, smearing the liquid food all over her face and on the woolens of each other.


Then in that, bleak moment of exertion which parenting entailed, I would console myself that in few years when they would grow up the work would be lesser automatically.

But when asked honestly- “Are the problems of lives meant to be solved.” No they are not, they would be never be, “one have to generate strength and tolerance levels.” A vital lesson which comes to us belated like hard earned wisdom of spirituality which makes the entry in life after most of the sufferings.

So in parenting, the job of managing and cooking of the food is ours but the tastes are theirs. They shall take their meal in time or not, headache is ours, but the moods they have.

It’s their right to access all the facilities of modern gadgets and privacy of being on their own, but all the risk involved in accessing the powerful threatening gadgets by them, is ours. It’s our pain to get acquaint our self with know how to solve all expected problems they can generate with the high speed gadget, which came much later in our life than theirs. Despite all these risks it is our responsibility to provide them with the indispensable immunity of ours that they are not being heard or their personal space is not trespassed.

Whenever all these happen once again I console myself, “Only change is permanent in the life. The life is full circle, so I decided to wait for my day to enjoy, when I would witness the repeat of wondrous prosperity in the life doer of today. And then silently watching them i will feel the bliss and will comment like an enlightened one – “Your generation loses cool very easily.”

Serene silence- the poignant message

The softness of the child is the softest of all. Even their inability to express themselves sometime acts as a poignant language.
My doting daughter- a healthy child with glowing skin was about an year old at that time. On one occasion at my parents’ place, all of us were getting ready for a family outing. After getting ready my mother came to pick up something from the room. The moment she entered in the room, the dearest of her soul instantaneously opened her tiny arms with a divinely glow on her face. My mother got warmed up with the showered admiration and with pride, she clasped her lovingly close to her heart.
Being busy with the essentialities of her needs during the commute, I too chose to ignore the two loving souls together.
As the commute began, my velvety tiny tot was contently sitting in my mother’s lap beside me in our Fiat. I glanced at her with the familiar motherly instinct and she chuckled back at me. I moved my attention to my siblings and soon my attention got occupied with my siblings as we were busily discussing one thing after another. After a while my mother seemed a bit baffled, she was composing the child, altering her position on her lap. Then she interrupted our conversations and said, see, how every now and then, the starched border of my sari had been pinching my doll, she explained sadly.
As I drew my attention closer to watch the effect, I saw her tear filled eyes. But the moment she would catch the glances of mine, the evergreen bliss would bounce back on her face with the same charm.

Now she is an adult I still find her touch same. That instantaneous glow and velvety touch still exist with her but that poignant silence given way to dignified politeness of reason and logic.

That afternoon

On a sultry afternoon, my nap got disrupted by the cracking sound of wood. It did not take me long to chalk out the exact location of the mischief. The source of the noise was at the fence of our yard. Irritated with the disruption in my sleep, I got up and opened the door.


I found my speculations correct. A few children of the near-by basti were busily taking out the erected wooden poles out of the shrubby boundary of the yard, creating gaps to let in grazing animals inside the campus. The sight as well as the looming problems on my plantations filled me with instant rage. Furiously I shouted at them from the veranda. In seconds they vanished in air after sighting my frame.


Hearing the commotion, my daughter who was reclining with a book in next room, came out with an exasperated expression. Her expression mellowed me a bit. Composing myself further, I tried to reason with her- see, that day you had allowed them to pick up wood. Today they are daring to destroy the fence. Look at what they did to the fence. They are simply wild, I murmured.


The trouble involved in mending the fence and the sight of destroyed plantation irritated me further. With a painful look in her eyes, she told me, Mom, even they do not know the basics of good or bad and that is why they are wild. That is why they need our patient behavior and love. They need it most as there is no one to guide them. In that case they need a more sympathetic way to explain things in the right perspective.

Her peaceful and relaxed attitude did something to me. Something really sank inside my heart, paving the way to restructure my response while dealing with unsavory situations. There are always better ways to deal with life. And it always better to do it with a calm attitude. I decided to mend my ways to grow; after all learning comes from every side of life. Sometimes through the unexpected innocent velvety face who’s crowing I had once enjoyed and with time it had grasped the rules of good and bad with a strong platform of reasoning. So, I affirmed in agreement with my facilitator.

Ice-cream

The screeching halt of our vehicle on the road to the dam caught the attention of a ice-cream vendor standing over the embankment. As we stepped out with our teenager, the vendor, without failing to grab the prospective business moment, came forward to register his presence. A sweet sheepish smile broadened my girl’s lips. She walked past him with her dad ignoring the silent plea of ice-cream wala.


The times of yore flashed in front of me, when in her ritualistic annual affair of her report card collection day, she would accompany her dad. A natural champ of her age, she would hardly bother about the outcome of her academic commitments. But the day would always mean a great deal to her. Receiving the report card by the Principal’s hands with a few words of appreciation in front of school assembly were the most valued and cherished moments for her. It always acted as a catalyst to boost her self confidence for whole academic year. Sparkling pride of her eyes, I was able to catch as a mother even being at home.

But like most things life too tests us. One year, due to a health problem in the family, she was forced to skip an entire unit test leaving decimal scope of her ranking in the annual report card. She complied bravely to the necessaries and partook some added responsibility at home front. My little doll didn’t fail to oblige us.

On the D-day first time she did not seem to be her usual confident self. Though the crisis was receding steadily, the effect was yet to go. Starting the vehicle, her father signaled at her to come. With a bit of uncertainty she staggered towards me throwing a glance; I questioned her- what?

She hesitated for a moment and then with wide opened eyes she innocently asked- mama, if I won’t get the first rank in the class, will I not get an ice-cream today. Something inside me shook to the core. At any other time, I could have a good laugh on her silly question but now I felt responsible for her present plight. That moment I felt probably she was asked too much, much beyond her capacity, where she found herself unable to cope up with two things at a time: Her studies as well as providing a helping hand to parents’ problems. That time I was too not keeping in good health. Somehow I composed myself and in shaken voice, I mumbled- today also you will get your ice-cream.


My words worked as blessing for her that day, she alighted out of the vehicle with same spirit and sparkle in her eyes, flagging the report card in one hand and an ice-cream cup in the other.

With God’s grace, she completed her school days proudly walking out as a school topper. Still she has to plan, manage, and work on her hectic study schedule. Probably the hardship of achieving goals and a little mature outlook towards life has somewhere lightened her craving and temptation for her childhood favorite ice-cream or whether she really has grown out this silly temptation, I still have to find out.

Empty Nest or Distance Parenting

It is usually referred to by people as the empty nest syndrome when a child leaves home for higher education at a much happening place. And then the parents are viewed with sympathetic glances, deserving to be labeled as forlorn souls and with nothing to do at all. On the contrary when I entered into that phase of life, I found the entire scenario very challenging as it entailed a mature as well as precise participation of mine in my child’s life, really a calculated effort by which I had to guide as well monitor my child’s actions through motivation. For the first time in my life I realized that the presence of those values which I had imparted to her years ago were showing their results. It filled me with mixed reactions of awe and sometimes with indecisiveness. Though through the distance I monitored her sailing through the insecurities of daily affairs, taking care of her health, scheduling time for studies and committing to it, prioritizing the things and necessities of life.

After a certain stage exposure to real world and company to peers is most desirable thing in every child’s life. That makes our role as parents more crucial than ever, where we had to guide our child with few spoken words which we conveyed to her in a day. Therefore the conveyed words must match with actions of our life and worthy enough to be cherished. Instantaneously it shifts our position as a parent to a counsellor in the child’s life. Fortunately in this highly networked era of telecommunication, I often felt the heat of proving myself to be the best of the counsellor who aptly tele- counseled and unburden her off to accumulated strains of the day. It does really take great deal of mental strength to show your virtual presence in child’s life through your teaching, a real litmus test of parenting skills, is not it?

Now I feel that my task became more daunting with constant shift in my portfolios, from a mother to counsellor and then to best friend. Of course in today’s hi-tech world to handle a vibrant friend, that too of less than half of my age requires enough energy to carry on. Honestly I won’t hesitate to admit that this prettiest, bubbly thing occupies a large chunk of memory space in hard disk leaving no time to sulk and fret.

Being beautiful

What does it mean to be beautiful? Women usually answer this question with an instantaneous demure gleam in their eyes. But in this bipolar world, polarity does exist. I am one of the rare tribe of woman who has never bothered to look beautiful. The made up look, for inexplicable reasons failed to appeal me. I believe that most of the things in life arise out of a necessity, but I never in my life felt the necessity to look beautiful. Maybe it was because I was too busy playing a dutiful daughter to my parents, and then being an indispensable part of my conjugal life.

But it is rightly said that life is unpredictable. The opportunity of being crowned the most beautiful woman in the world fell so unexpectedly in my lap that I didn’t even react, rather preferred to enjoy it. After all, what is the point in counting mangoes on the tree, when a bucket-full was lying in front of me? This highest order of award was conferred upon me by the prettiest doll, i.e. my daughter. Since her birth, she would stare at me with the most charming and appealing of smiles, as if nothing in the world mattered, except her and me. She would prove it further by chuckling and throwing about her little, glowing hands and legs, as if she didn’t bother about anything around us.
Then she learned to speak, and one day described me to a visitor- “my mama is very beautiful and dark”. (My husband and in-laws are a marble-skinned lot, till then she had only learned to see things as black and white; if anything was not completely white, then she would figure out that it was black.) To reconcile with it, I too put my condition before her: if she described me as beautiful and dark, from then on she would have to add the adjective ‘tall’ to the description. She easily accepted the deal, placing her little palms on my lap (it’s an altogether different story that I’m only 5’2”, but it is always wise to take advantage of the circumstances).

But this glory of mine existed only for a few years. As a teenager, 5’5” tall herself, adoringly putting her arm around me, one day she said, “oh mama, you’re really beautiful…”(I can’t really say when she dropped the adjective ‘dark’ from my description after encountering different shades and hues of life), “…but how can you be…” and the rest of her words vanished in a good belly chuckle.

With time, the horizon of her learning increased, and with this came the delimiting of my glory. Now she watches Hollywood movies and to compound my woes, has silently included two more women in her list of the most beautiful : Angelina Jolie and Aishwarya Rai. Now I sensed mortal fear looming large over my position, but I was in no mood to budge from my place. After all, in all these years I too had got used to being beautiful, and now I couldn’t do without it. So I decided to take action before it was too late. No way, I told her, I don’t care about these two, but tell them to choose any position after me. After all, in India, will our politicians leave their chairs so easily? If not they, then why should I?