We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves

~ Gautam Buddha

Sunday, February 19, 2012

My journey to Lord Shiva

Tossing on the bed I was feeling nauseated and febrile. I had been pressing my face on the pillow to seek some respite from excruciating pangs of migraine. Perhaps a wrong chosen medicine had rendered me in that desperate condition when no other medicine was working. Without any option every time at the attack of migraine I had to bear the mighty brunt of it. That day the advancing sun was much provoking and thus there was upsurge in my discomfort.

I had been listening the trotting of little feet of my kid around in the room. Sometimes her silken soft touch and the sopping peck on my face, “mamma is not well today.” She was being persuaded to let me have the needed rest. The little one persisted clutching my arm “when I love mamma she gets well soon.” Under the dizzying pain I was numb unable to lift my eyelid.

As the throbbing pain seemed the only option of the moment, I gave into it. I wanted to feel it and encounter it .With all its might the pain was displaying and overpowering me. Battling it for hours after some time the pain seemed to mellow a little, I could not exactly tell whether I was dreaming or awoken. As I was able to listen every pulse and noise of the room , who were coming inside or venturing out the room .

Perhaps it was dream and during the perspiring flash of hotness, a soothing chill started dawning upon me. I was walking in the snow covered valley. The chill was comforting. My bare feet walk on the earth was melting the ice below as I was feeling the melting fluidity under my feet. I was following a person perhaps my spouse he was the same except he was attired in rustic local hilly outfit.

We took bath at a river in chilly water. The man, my spouse was rustic and pleased most of the times like a village folk. Then we walked in through the narrow icy lane and reached a temple. Inside the temple I saw huge Shiva lingam. The milk was being poured upon it. The sanctum was full of devotees.

Outside in the valley while walking I was getting Shiva Lingam frequently. There were many Shiva lingams all over the place. All of them were formed of translucent ice. The icy Shiva lingams of varied sizes were placed at everywhere. I was amazed with the magnanimousness and serenity of the place.

Feeling refreshed when I opened the eye it was mid days. I perceived that all the curtain were drawn in the bed room to save me from piercing sharpness of light a migraine patient suffered during the pain. And the room was cleaned and organized as I always felt better that way.

Then few years back at work place I was asked by one of my acquaintances whether I would undertake fasting on Maha Shivaratri. I answered, I am aware of the merits of fasting but I know little about Lord Shiva.

But every year during Maha Shivaratri I felt a deep silence or something appealing about it. And there was persistent inquisitiveness on my part, " I know a little about Lord Shiva." One of my acquaintances answered, “What is there to know about it, just do the fasting,” but I was not ready to take it. When I didn’t understand anything it seemed a futile and mechanical way to me to do anything.

I wanted to understand and found my Shiva- MY REAL SELF and his connection to MY LIFE. Till then I was aware of the Shiva consciousness –the transcendent and highest self of ours .But how to achieve it and even try to start the journey of seeking I hadn’t any clue. I was trying to get that link and was speculative enough to find many answers of life through him.

My quest led to my knowledge. Then I decided I would undertake fasting that year. I was ready but that year it was destined other way by Lord Shiva. Perhaps on physical level more healing and cleansing was needed to achieve the Supreme Shiva and on physical level I was not ready for that.Or in another way there were still many hindrances inside me that were working more actively than my constructive positive energy.

Two days ahead of Mahashivaratri I got news of my father brain stroke. And my Shivaratri went into journey to my father’s place. During the journey again inside the reserved compartment there was crowd of devotees heading for the pilgrimage. All of them on their fast were heading to Lord Shiva shrine to offer worship. They were politely asking to us a little place for their few hours’ journey and forgiveness for the inconvenience caused by them. Befriended with pilgrims I sent my offering to Lord Shiva that year through one of them.

But then I was getting clearer on regular encounter of me with Lord and many faces of majestic deva- Adi Guru, the Lord Shiva. I had been realizing that the universe, the Lord Shiva is asking me for more transformation. My quest of knowing more about the Lord had been rekindling more than ever.

When I see the image, the energy pattern of our lives- Lord Shiva I realize every reason to follow and work upon him. Watching him I realize the strength comes after dropping “ego” an inheritance of human and many of us cling to it. When I see Neelkanth I feel how blissful he is even with poison inside his throat whereas we always find difficulty in resisting reaction.

Learning and studying Shiva teach me many other things which are still out of my expression perhaps I need more time. Yes! " I still need to know more about him." Praying upon him helps me to realize my inner knot which hinders my growth.

I am still on the path of seeking and learning. But now I have answer to my queries. Or perhaps when I seek to few newer queries the answers come to me on its own.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012


EVERY THING IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR. There isn't any  surprise that to win  love war is fought. History and civilization are witnessed of it. Hence ample legends and folklores are here to amuse us with heroic battles of love.

But history is after all history, isn’t it? But what about those incidents which we often sight as repeats of history.A common sight to see couple who wage wars to claim love. Aren't the rising graph of divorce cases are the results of disillusioned love? In which the partners naively claim and ask for more love and soon get disillusioned with the non-compliance.

Eventually it turned out  that if there isn't any love in life there won’t be any disappointment.

“I love you more than anyone else” assertion between spouses is perennial proclamation in which no one is ready to duck.
Once one of my acquaintances with grown up children, furiously disclosed,“My husband even after decades of marriage does not listen me. But anything which would come from his mother and siblings  he listens and acts with exaltation as a word of Bible.” With teary eyes she sobbed,“After 20 year of marriage still in his life his family is more important than me”.

Her innocent complain about her husband filled me with amusing happiness. A palpable strong family bond and a true seeking of love was floating in her complain. Aren't fed with these traditional values we survived for civilization?Revering her longing and i tried to show her reason, “If he doesn't value you how come, everyday he comes to drop you at work place. Don’t feel bad he loves you passionately”. My reasoning didn't satiate her at that aggrieved moment.

But this tug of war is common sight and noise of Indian marriage which usually passes from mother to daughter but the seeking of love in life never vanishes.

So honestly i am not an exception. Every now and then the mortal feeling seems to loom larger on me. Once rather feeling insecure about my position i decided to take furtive action and nip the problem at the bed than wait and watch for the right moment to dawn.

As a forever foresighted person I believe in taking care of syndrome rather than wait for full grown ailment. And to handle my case dexterously and I have taken action before hand.And it is here as free advice to everyone else.

AT HOME I MADE SOME RULES FOR MY HUBBY DEAR. When I suggest him something.Right after completion i mention him what is being expected to him, next as a reaction? “After listening me you are expected to nod in affirmation with comments or you can say, “I fully agree with you.” And after that there is no restriction for using positive adjectives for me as compliments.

But my enlightened hubby never gives any ear to these trivial. At home he is solely interested in clean cloth, homely meal, good bath and sleep. So like an enlightened one he never wastes his time in arguments.

Amidst all well documented and represented arguments of mine, he looks at me like an innocent pre-school child while having his meal occasionally asking for more dal or water- chewing mouthful of food.

He opinionated “I know the levels of wife –“You can get angry but you shall never ….”and then his believes and faiths block all arguments and I realize futility of it. After all in this short life when there is less time for love where is the place for argument. Love and live life to its fullest.

Life is love... Live it with love!

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Taming the unknown territory of “what if”

What does propel us in the horizon of “what if”-the fear?

Is it stress, tired body, unaware mind, weak physical or mental frame, unfavorable planetary position or one’s inability to correct it?

If these are potential magnets of fears then why don’t we discard them permanently to make peace our everlasting companion? As we are taught that the fear always exists in future never in present but it troubles the present moment.

Perhaps, “fear” is the companion of seekers, which need complete aware and persistent effort to curb it.

The means taken to control it are myriad-maintaining good physical and mental strength by meditation, breathing exercise and yoga etc. Each applied effort takes own course and time to work.

Let’s hope to achieve the goal as the seeking has already been started.